90210 – in the churning, acrid bowels of rancid society, it glistens on like an accidentally swallowed shard of glass.

OH YES.

Just when my ability to describe couldnae get anyworse, cap’n.

So many years may have passed since my last entry  but *nigerian accent* I am free! I can do what I like! There is no need for the Nigerian accent other that when I use a Nigerian accent (quite frequently whilst bored and make-believing I’m black and a long distance runner) I find whatever I say sounds brilliant, with shit loads of conviction. I think you should try it! Anyway oooh yeah, I was saying, I still watch 90210. They are in college now! Naomi is fantastic, what a broad. My fave, the new cowboy dude is hot too. Silver aint as pretty as she used to be cause she dun cut her hair. Adrianna is evil and Annie/the actor that plays her STILL isn’t dead. The teacher I thought was hot (why did I think this?) is no longer part of the series and Liam (the hottest) is still prancing around doing dumb things.

There you go. In other news, I think some  famous people died whilst you were away.   That is all.

 

By the beard of Zeus.

What a noblemind is here overthrown.

 

Karma Police, arrest this man.

Don’t you love youtube, how were our lives before youtube? I had an itch to hear Karma Police and as my laptop died (R.I.P archie my dell laptop, I will avenge your killer but I haven’t watched Eastenders lately and therefore do not know who your killer is).  What was I saying… oh yea, you can just listen to any youtube song anytime you want. Now my itch is relieved. I looooooost myself, I loooooooost myseeeeeelf.

I never used to like this song, but all it takes is one moment at any given time with any given song in the background to link it to your memory and nostalgia like a ball and chain around an aching foot.

In other news, night vision is awesome.

 

90210 is getting shitter and shitter

It’s embarrassing.

two-bit ham actress claims to have had no plastic surgery and frowns at such accusations... or would do if the botox in her skanky face allowed it

The worst are the dinner scenes with the “family”.  The father and mother are really bad actors and the black kid (their adopted son), that’s just cringe-worthy to watch, the interaction between the tragically bad white actors who look like they are just looking at their son, thinking “so, you’re black and I’m just ignoring that and pretending that you could be my son, this script is crazy!”. It just doesnt gel well at all.  Furthermore,  if this kid had grown up with this cotton-wool family he would speak like Carlton Banks not Will Smith.

Even worse is Annie, the  main character.  She has a face you just want to punch.  Ethan, her love interest comes across as if he might be syndromic (congenital chromosome abnormalities that are usually coupled with mental retardation and characteristic facies).

I liked the character of Silver, but she is becoming bland and dangerously thin and will probably disappear.

The only two ok characters are Nafeed and Naomi.

The one saving grace is the sexy teacher, mmm, hubba, hubba, break me o’ a piece of that.  What’s even better is he snogged a cop who has been undercover as a student in the school, in the last episode.  And though she’s not brown, she’s not white (I think she’s black), so that makes her closer to me and easier to substitute myself in for in my fantasies.

I want to like 90210, I really do but the conversation holds no wit and the acting is really bad. The worst part of this episode was at the very begininng.  The bland mother bitched about the bland husband’s ex, saying she had had loads of plastic surgery done and maybe she (bland mum) she get some done too.  This was funny because the plastic bitch had not a line on her face and was probably meant to be frowning in this scene but the botox in her face forbid it.

Nothing worse than some two bit hollywood actress pretending she hasn’t had the works on her saccharine face.   Pass me the sick bucket.

 

Boys and the lies they bring!

I was so embarrassed by this entry, I had to delete it *spits some tobacco on the floor and pulls jeans up*  Yargh.

 

Flying hair attacks my face!

The other day I was walking up the street in the fake-sun. That’s when the sun shines but the wind chills you to the bitter bone!  I was minding my own business, passing all the shitty cornershops that at first I hated upon coming to London but now have a novel affection for.  I was happy I had been to the gym and that my clothes were fitting again.  I looked up and smelt the air,  there was a wind, if I had been  born in London, I would think it was fresh air.  Though I know better and I know how the air in wales makes every alveoli in your lung stretch out in  receptive pleasure.  Anywhoo, I saw this thing flying in the wind… a blonde, single strand of hair.  It was quite far away and I watched it come closer and BOOM IT HIT MY FACE AND I WENT AHHH!!! AND SLAPPED AT MY FACE TRYING TO GET RID OF IT AND THEN IT WENT AWAY BUT I HAD A TERRIBLE FEAR IT WOULD GO IN MY MOUTH.

*gags*

Hair in my mouth, WORST THING EVER.  Maybe not as bad as getting HIV or slipping and falling face first into dog turd, but pretty bad!

I didnt super freak out like Tom Cruise does in Jerry Maguire when he’s sacked, it was an internal freak out, no one suspected a thing…

And that was that. Sleep well dear abyss!

 

That kiss it lasted too long…

And we probably shouldnt have danced to that song!

 

Jessica Alba’s rock hard abs…

I’d crush ice on them!

Not because I am a lesbarooney (cause despite what my brother tries to imply, I am not) but because…

A) I love crushed ice – incidentally did you know this is a sign of anemia known as a “pica” – a craving for something unnatural, a lot of pregnant women get them e.g. eating soil or paper. I do not have anemia though, just for the record. Not a lesbo, no anemia.  With me? Good.

B)  Her abs are just the best.  I love the movie Sin City, fucking fantastic! Beautifully shot,  grimy and sexy,  dark and wrong.  Bloomin marvellous. Not as bloody long as Watchmen either.  I did like Watchmen but… well, I will review it in  my next post.

Where was I… hmmm, oh yeah.  Her abs are sexy, these are the abs I want. Therefore I have changed my avator to her abs in Sin city. I would love to dance on a bar top with a whip and assless chaps (dodgeball reference).  I always thought if I was an idiot, I’d be some sort of show girl. I’ve got the boobies for it!   Also, I dont want my avator to be my face, I am a masked marauder, typing from the depths of the unknown, coming to a computer screen near you!

Aye, I should go to bed, I know..

 

I went to a boxing class today

It was wicked fun.

I have a mean right hook, a puny left everything.  The guy teaching the class is Australian and just the right amount of  “alrightness” i.e. not too hot that you feel silly punching in front of his face and not too ugly that you dont want to impress him with your mean moves.  Lolz, how dumb be I.

I haven’t posted for a while because things are getting heavy in the old revision department.   Six years of toil and the ending is finally in sight, but just like that feeling I described before you pee your pants (you get so close to the loo and the closer you get the more you are likely to lose control, haha!), that very same feeling feels applicable here.  The goal is so close now, soooo cloooose, must not screw it up! Must conquer!

In other news,  I am feeling a bit  meh tonight.  Fidgety  and ADHD-ish, I’m floating out in space, orbiting planets of internal unrest!  In other words, I’ll probably bleed out of my vagina tomorrow,  (bet you weren’t expecting that sentence!).  Periods are so unneccessary, I call it “the evilness”, totally pointless, especially for me! We are but savage creatures.  There are no women,  just animals with teets, folds of sweaty viscera and discharging orifices.

Some pleasant, elegant imagary for you all there. Do enjoy!

 

Being Human commisioned for 8 new episodes!

Yes!!!

http://www.bbc.co.uk/pressoffice/pressreleases/stories/2009/02_february/26/human.shtml

So, imagine my dismay when I found out that Being Human concludes this Sunday, quelle domage   BUT BEHOLD, SWEET READER! The most excellent series, I give it a quick shine in this post if you are unaware of it’s existence (what is wrong with you!).  Anyway yes *resumes cinematic, deep voice*  BEHOLD BLESSED READER,  BEING HUMAN SHALL RETURN, FOR AT LEAST ANOTHER 8 EPISODES.  GO FORTH AND SING IN THE STREETS, THE GOOD GODS HAVE GRACED US ONCE MORE.

Ahem.

Today lots of people gave me compliments.  It was a bit annoying towards the end of the day as I felt as though their compliments were pointing out, how un-compliment worthy I was before ( ha ha typical me, I always find the most obscure downside of a compliment, I find them difficult to accept bla bla bla emotional issues etc boring crap and so on and so forth).  One girl (who I notice had gotten fat by the way), even said, “oh your hair looks lush, you always straighten it but you should leave it like this”. I havent straightened  my hair for ages. Even so, it was sweet. Someone told me they loved my tights, another just randomly said “you look very pretty today”.   Nice contrast to the day before, where a random mini bus stopped by the lights as I was walking to starbucks and a drunken welsh man stuck his head out the window to tell me “fuck me, you’re ugly!”.  Seriously, I was not looking competely gross enough for that. There was no reason for him to say such a thing, and I was pretty far away from him and I was dressed really nicely, with cute pale yellow shoes (my newest loves).  That’s just south walian men for you,  vulgar and mean.  though if there is a weirdo about, I attract them. If someone wants to say something out of the blue and unnecessary, they will say it to me. I am a magnet for random abuse!