Like 6 billion other people, I am going to write a book or two. I plan to write novels about a character not at all like Harry Potter but along the same genre. His name will be Gary Popper and he will be a homosexual drug fiend. Naturally these books will be aimed at pre-school children.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with JK Rowling’s website, it is themed on her desk. I have thieved a pretty picture of it for your viewing pleasure:

Now here is a photo of my desk, annotated for your pleasure. I’m all about the pleasures.

1. I love lamp

2. fruit-tella wrapper

3. Novelty giant mug with squash – glasses are a fine thing in this house

4. Wine glass with residues of milk – I warned you glasses were rare

5. Empty wrapper of digestive biscuits, consumed in record time of 4 hours

6. Notepad

7. Un-used ink well, merely for display purposes only (much like the melons, eh?)

8. Worlds oldest laptop. Much love for you though, Archie (Archie = laptop, not sheep).

9. Ex bucket of marshmallows, now Bucket of Pens.

10. novelty inflatable wand

11. TPTWFAD (The Printer That Worked For A Day) I SMASH IT SOON!!!1

12. Empty can of Tuna, I like eating things out of cans, when I was small I wanted to eat the dog’s food, it smelt and I quote “irresistable”. My family laughed at me as I said this and so I never spoke of it again and never acted upon my shameful desires.

13. Stylish plate

14. Re-used empty bottle – A glass, a glass, my kingdom for a glass etc

15. Empty tin of mints

16. Unread papers

So, going on desk alone, who ought to be the more successful writer? This is a rhetorical question, no wrong answers will be acknowledged.