Now I’m no veteran lesbian-seer but I think, since coming to London, I have seen a fair few. I don’t understand why one lesbian in the couple tends to look like a man. They will have short hair, maybe just one ear pierced and be wearing an england rugby shirt TUCKED IN to loose, baggy jeans and maybe a good, sturdy pair of doc martins also known as “comfortable shoes”. I would understand if the lesbian was waiting for a sex change and wanted to be a guy, but this is not often the case. As for the other lesbian, who can be more feminine or just as butch – if you fancy women why do you go out with women who look like men? Unless you are waiting for a sex change to become a gay man and then what happens to your partner who is supposed to like women? I hear those folk who get all het up and say, “love isn’t about gender!” so I assume lesbians who dress like men just lack femininity and it’s not that they want to be men, they just cant help being ugly frumps.

Back to the originial intent of this post. I met the oldest lesbians ever. I thought they might be sisters at first, or rather I hoped. One of them looked like an aged Miss. Trunchbull (from Matilda) she must have been about 80. She had her hair screwed up as a bun sitting on top of her grey old head. She had a fair few boils on her face and a healthy grey moustache. It wasn’t volumous (the tache) it grew like it does on old ladies, wild and erratic. What was strange and a bit funny was that she was wearing those Adidas poppers – the trousers that were fashionable in the middle 90s. She had a hoody on also. Her partner was a bit older, maybe 85. She was very slim and frail, she looked like your token disney granny. She had a red sweater on and black suit trousers and her hair kept short and almost white. She had a tiny voice and she kept reminding her gf, Trunchbull to say things. Trunchbull would look at her and snap, “I know, shut up!”. It was terribly odd and I really wanted to laugh or puke. It’s just that Trunchbull had cancer of the vagine and her partner had bowel cancer the year before. I couldnt help wondering if these lesbian lovers were still sexually active and if they both kinda liked that Trunchbull had grown a moustache and if her partner had discovered irregular lumps within Trunchball during sexual fumblings *passes you the sick bucket*. Anyway, the whole thing made me feel pretty queasy. Old people don’t have sex, especially not elderly lesbians with moustaches and colostomy bags. I want to take it out of my brain! Erase it from my mind, Will Smith from Men in Black! Erase it from my mind!