So one of my housemates is moving out, therefore someone else needs to move in. She has advertised on well known websites and we had our first candidate yesterday, who I have decided to nickname ze german. There will be a cash prize to the sum of one hundred thousand dollars for guessing why.

Ze german is a typical, grade A nerd. If there was a competition for nerds he would come first without even trying – well the lack of effort doesnt sound very nerdy but blah I’m bored of this sentence. He is about to start a phd in something about mosquitos. I studied his face and I think he’s about 28, he has those little lines around his eyes. We were really hoping for a fitty and he is definitely not a fitty. I asked Housemate B what she thought and she replied, “Well, he’s german”. Yes, indeed he is! He wanted to take us for a drink and he asked if we cook. Housemate A pointed at me and said, “she microwaves”, I was secretly offended and although I laughed it off, I went to my room later and cried the night through.

Ze german was very keen on the house, he wanted to see all of our rooms. He wasn’t allowed in Housemate A’s bedroom as there was a great big ginger naked man lying across her bed. He was very eager to move in, to the point of not actually getting the hint we wanted him to go away. I have an inkling he would be great at cleaning though because he has a gayness to him (and I mean in the homosexual sense). He likes the idea of sharing with 3 girls so he is either indeed a homosexual or a pervert who is going to steal our knickers. I don’t mind so much as I have tons but Housemate B might be quite upset.

Tonight another candidate will knock the knocker of doom (that’s our door knocker, I was trying to be atmospheric). Will this candidate usurp the german? Only time will tell, my friend… only time will tell.