90210 is getting shitter and shitter

It’s embarrassing.

two-bit ham actress claims to have had no plastic surgery and frowns at such accusations... or would do if the botox in her skanky face allowed it

The worst are the dinner scenes with the “family”.  The father and mother are really bad actors and the black kid (their adopted son), that’s just cringe-worthy to watch, the interaction between the tragically bad white actors who look like they are just looking at their son, thinking “so, you’re black and I’m just ignoring that and pretending that you could be my son, this script is crazy!”. It just doesnt gel well at all.  Furthermore,  if this kid had grown up with this cotton-wool family he would speak like Carlton Banks not Will Smith.

Even worse is Annie, the  main character.  She has a face you just want to punch.  Ethan, her love interest comes across as if he might be syndromic (congenital chromosome abnormalities that are usually coupled with mental retardation and characteristic facies).

I liked the character of Silver, but she is becoming bland and dangerously thin and will probably disappear.

The only two ok characters are Nafeed and Naomi.

The one saving grace is the sexy teacher, mmm, hubba, hubba, break me o’ a piece of that.  What’s even better is he snogged a cop who has been undercover as a student in the school, in the last episode.  And though she’s not brown, she’s not white (I think she’s black), so that makes her closer to me and easier to substitute myself in for in my fantasies.

I want to like 90210, I really do but the conversation holds no wit and the acting is really bad. The worst part of this episode was at the very begininng.  The bland mother bitched about the bland husband’s ex, saying she had had loads of plastic surgery done and maybe she (bland mum) she get some done too.  This was funny because the plastic bitch had not a line on her face and was probably meant to be frowning in this scene but the botox in her face forbid it.

Nothing worse than some two bit hollywood actress pretending she hasn’t had the works on her saccharine face.   Pass me the sick bucket.

 

Flying hair attacks my face!

The other day I was walking up the street in the fake-sun. That’s when the sun shines but the wind chills you to the bitter bone!  I was minding my own business, passing all the shitty cornershops that at first I hated upon coming to London but now have a novel affection for.  I was happy I had been to the gym and that my clothes were fitting again.  I looked up and smelt the air,  there was a wind, if I had been  born in London, I would think it was fresh air.  Though I know better and I know how the air in wales makes every alveoli in your lung stretch out in  receptive pleasure.  Anywhoo, I saw this thing flying in the wind… a blonde, single strand of hair.  It was quite far away and I watched it come closer and BOOM IT HIT MY FACE AND I WENT AHHH!!! AND SLAPPED AT MY FACE TRYING TO GET RID OF IT AND THEN IT WENT AWAY BUT I HAD A TERRIBLE FEAR IT WOULD GO IN MY MOUTH.

*gags*

Hair in my mouth, WORST THING EVER.  Maybe not as bad as getting HIV or slipping and falling face first into dog turd, but pretty bad!

I didnt super freak out like Tom Cruise does in Jerry Maguire when he’s sacked, it was an internal freak out, no one suspected a thing…

And that was that. Sleep well dear abyss!

 

Fatty on tv show constantly referred to as “28 stone virgin”

So one of my housemates and I were watching this show where they get a super skinny person and make them swap diets with a right fatty boom ba.

OH MY GOD IT'S A FAT, 27 YEAR OLD VIRGIN THAT LIVES WITH HIS MUM!

The fatty boom ba was 27 years old and he weighed 28 stone. He lived at home and his mama fed him rotis (this indian type of food that will turn you into a heffa in no time… just take a stroll through Hounslow!).

Well he was pretty fuckin fat, man.   The funny thing was, whenever the narrator of the programme referenced him, it would be like so…

“Serial singleton, Fatty Mcgee has never had a girlfriend…”

or

“Meanwhile, the 28 stone virgin is having a difficult time resisting take away temptation”…

or

“Georgie (the skinny girl) and the supersized virgin have really improved their diets”.

Seriously, whenever he was mentioned, they made sure to add he had never had a relationship and was a virgin.  The dude is 28 frickin stone and lives with his mother, we pretty much guessed he aint having sex, give it a rest already!

They even had this bit where he was talking to the doctor (who has a haircut which makes it look like someone pissed on his head…) and the doc said, “how does this effect your relationships?” and then  sweet shy fatty said “I never had one”.  It wasnt enough he was on the show, showing everyone he ate about 7000 calories a day, they had to make him say it outloud. He was a sexless wonder. Well fatty boom ba, you’re not alone.

It made me realise however that in just over 3 years, my relationshipless and virginity will be highly unacceptable instead of  “a bit weird”.  I said to my housemate, “oh great, they’re all like,   omg this guy is a virgin… HE’S THAT FAT, HE’S A 27 YEAR OLD VIRGIN!!!  I’m not even a fatty boom ba, they’d have a field day with me.”

All I can hope is that I never have to go on Channel 4 and if I do they never learn my secret.