What can I do?

Housemate A drinks loads of tea and dear jebus of nazabeth, it stinks to high heaven – her breath, not the tea. I don’t understand this biological phemonenon seeing as my parents drink tea all the time and they dont have stinky breath and usually her breath does not stink. The first time I caught a whiff we were watching TV in the Box (very small tv room) and I was like, wooooooah what is in your mouth, a rat bum? Course I didn’t say this, I just thought it and I cunningly moved forward and away from her so I could eat my dinner without feeling sick.


It smells like maybe animal bum and tea, like if there was this bum that had tea-diarrhea. We cleaned out the fridge today because Housemate C tends to leave things in the fridge till they go out of date and we have to fish for them. The fridge was mcstinksville and as I found the smelly thing – hiding right at the back, I turned to Housemate A and went, “I got it!”. She was excited and said, “Yay!” and then I thought I might keel over from the synergistic effects of the smell of the rotting meat loin and my housemate’s tea breath.

I have decided to take mints with me wherever I go in the house incase she is around in a post-tea state. It really is stinky! I wonder how her boyfriend deals with it, though he sees her very seldomly, so maybe this is the reason! I don’t think I should tell her. Once, I went to the cinema with Euphagania Buttkiss (not her real name actually!) and she had the worst off-yoghurt breath I ever smelt. It smelt like… off yoghurt. I didnt have the heart to say anything and she kept whispering in my ear about the movie and I was like “mmm yes, yes I agree” whilst I leant on one of my fists which was cunningly covering my nostrils.

The moral of this story is as follows, it is good that everyone with bad breath knows they have bad breath. To everyone who doesnt have bad breath please check that you don’t have bad breath! Smell it yourself by doing that lower jaw movement, you know the one I mean, jutt it out and smell your breath. Especially after drinking tea! *shakes fist menacingly at you*